Showing posts with label about parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label about parenting. Show all posts

Secrets Of Good Parenting


There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, and there’s no manual that can teach you how to be a good one. Yet there is such a thing as good parenting, just as sure as there’s bad parenting.

Almost everyone gets married and many of those people have children together and end up being parents. Knowing how to parent effectively is something good to know and worth learning. However, a lot of the learning comes not from an outside source but from yourself.

There’s no template for being a good parent. You might encounter examples of good parenting out there but every set of children and parents is different, so you can’t take some other family’s model and just apply it to your own. You have to figure out what works for your family, drawing from your experiences and from common sense.

Of course being a parent isn’t easy. You have to take care of someone who depends on you, fulfilling their needs and giving them guidance while paying attention to your own life as well. You’re playing the role of protector, role model, nurturer, friend and disciplinarian all at once. When you put it all into perspective, good parents are really amazing people indeed.

So what does good parenting consist of? Simply put, a good parent raises their child to be capable of surviving in the world. Some people confuse good parenting with just providing their children with everything possible like food, money and possessions but this actually inhibits children by not allowing them to fend for themselves.

In order to survive in the world, one needs to be able to stand on their own two feet while depending on support every so often. Support often comes in the form of social relationships. In order to form relationships, one needs to be reasonably kind and open. In order to be kind and open, people need to have that demonstrated and enforced in them, and this is where parents come in.

There’s bound to be many bumps along the way. Sometimes you’ll feel like putting your kids up for adoption but in the end, you stick together because you love each other. Loving your children and showing it the right way is at the heart of good parenting.

Be there for your children when they need it, don’t overindulge them, equip them with the tools necessary to be self-sufficient so that when they have their own children, they will do the same.






What to Know About Parenting

When young couples are just starting out, it can be very daunting to think about the proper way to be a parent. There is so much about parenting to know, and I think that most young parents want to do the best job they possibly can. I think there are a few things to know about parenting that can really help those about to have children.

The first thing that I always try to tell people about to have children for the first time is to trust their instincts. This is one of the important things to remember about parenting because I truly believe that all of us as human beings have a nurturing instincts, that allow us to care for other living beings. If we trust these, we almost never go wrong.

The second thing I would say about parenting is to make sure you have a good pediatrician. The fact of the matter is that you will need the doctor on a semi-regular basis, and it is good to have one that you trust and feel that you can call when necessary.

Sometimes they can be quite comforting, and sometimes they can help you to understand that you don't need to worry so much are just being overprotective.

Another thing about parenting that I will always recommend for young parents is to start your children on vegetables when it comes to baby food. If babies are fed fruit first, invariably, they will not eat vegetables. Once they have the sweet stuff, they do not want vegetables, which is what helps them to grow into healthy children. This is one that my wife and I learned the hard way.

One thing that I also try to stress to new parents about parenting is the fact that children are going to have accidents. It is scary when it first happens, and we are always nervous that we have not done enough to make sure that they are safe.

They are our children, after all, and it is only natural to feel a little bit nervous about whether or not they are completely healthy all of the time. The reality is, however, that children are resilient and are a lot tougher than most of us parents think.

There are a lot of things young parents should try to understand about parenting, but most of it is something people have to figure out as they go. This may not be very comforting, but once you get the hang of it, it starts to go smoother and become easier. You are always going to worry about them, but try not to let it affect your well-being. They will survive!

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Adolescent Parenting Demands Patience

While every generation of adolescents faces different challenges, today's adolescents are growing up in a world that is in perhaps more societal trouble than ever before.

This puts a huge burden on the adolescent, new to this road to adulthood. Adolescent parenting skills are certainly pressed as well.

Sure, in our generation, there were drugs and alcohol available, but it certainly wasn't de rigeur or so much in your face. Now, kids report that even at the middle school level, almost every substance that can be abused is readily available at school!

Kids are found to carry weapons to school, with sometimes disastrous results. A lack of supervision and adequate discipline is surely contributory.

You combine these factors with the normal developmental adolescent issues and you may well wonder, what's a parent to do? Every parent does their best, but adolescent parenting skills are far more complex than a generation ago.

Nonetheless, there are two characteristics that are still essential to good adolescent parenting: patience and a good memory.

Every parent of an adolescent knows that kids in this age group can be, shall we say, difficult and at times, somewhat or downright irrational. You say, “Good Morning, sweetie!”. The unexpected response? “I wish you'd stop calling me that! That's for babies!”

Although you meant no offense, you need to put on a smile. Apologize, letting them know it's just a sweet name you've gotten used to addressing them with and you'll try not to say it again.

Now, some of you may be raising your eyebrows, wondering why you should be apologizing to an insolent child. Don't you remember when old Aunt Ivy would pinch your teenage cheeks in front of your friends, with a “Ooh, you're just so cute!” It was mortifying.

So remember, at this age, teens are very sensitive about certain topics, just as you were. As soon as a kid hits 12 or 13, they start to feel very grown up and well able to do without your well meant advice.

So cut the kids some slack and this score and choose your battles wisely. Lord knows there are sufficient issues of merit in which to exercise your adolescent parenting skills – you certainly don't need to look for additional conflicts.

Patience is absolutely essential. Every stage of parenting requires patience, but perhaps none so much as during the adolescent years.

Dress often becomes a major issue, requiring a close examination of what's being worn to school. You don't want skirts too short or pants falling off, but again, kids are exploring their individuality, so as long as it's decent wear, don't make too much of a fuss.

What's cool today may not be so next week. They get through it and move on and mature.

Today, adolescent parenting skills need to focus on being able to communicate well with your teens, such that you can have frank discussions and real talk about the elements of society that pose great dangers to your kids.

Drug and alcohol use and abuse are rampant in the schools. Either can lead to violence. Peer pressure is great. Don't alienate your kids over the petty stuff.

Get online and check out some of the parenting forums. Browse the self help section at the bookstore. Educate yourself to their reality! It's up to you to be ahead of the curve on adolescent parenting.

Does Disciplining Children Make Sense?

When most of us think about disciplining children, it brings up some unsettling thoughts. Most of us were disciplined when we were younger, and by no means was it fun.

The hackneyed line “this hurts me more than it hurts you, always seemed like such nonsense to me, and I find it difficult at times to discipline my own children.

However, after studying the subject, I have come to the conclusion that disciplining children is critical to their development.

The biggest thing that disciplining children does is set boundaries.

It makes kids aware from a very early age that there are consequences for certain behaviors, and that if you act out, you are going to be punished.

When you think about it, it makes sense that kids would benefit from and perhaps subconsciously desire discipline. It is a big world to them that they don't understand, and this helps them understand how to act and what not to do.

Disciplining children also teaches them the difference between right and wrong.

When children are disciplined for certain types of behavior, they immediately associate that type of behavior with negativity and disapproval, and it makes them less likely to repeat the behavior.

If a child is never shown that slapping another child is not acceptable, in other words, they may continue to do so.

The question becomes, what is proper punishment when disciplining children?

The fact of the matter is, that you typically cannot reason with a three-year-old unless he or she is incredibly precocious. Sometimes, a swat on the backside is really necessary.

Now, I am not advocating physical abuse toward children, but I used myself as an example. I was spanked as a young child when I was bad.

As I got older, I was grounded or punished in some other way. I turned out fine, and I realized that you discipline children in a way that is appropriate to their age.

I have found that parents who don't mind disciplining children when they act out have more respectful and well adjusted kids.

They understand how to get along better in society and don't have nearly as many behavioral problems when they reach their teenage and adult years.

If parents discipline their children when they are young and help them to understand right from wrong at an early age, there are usually a lot fewer problems down the line.

Disciplining children can be a sensitive and tricky matter. Some people might not agree with what I am saying, but I am just going by what I have observed as a counselor and a father.

Best Advice For Parents?

Everyone seems to have opinions on how to raise children, even if they don’t have kids of their own. You will find advice for parents as readily available as your next door neighbor. Though, I might suggest the self-help aisle of any book shop as a better alternative.

With all the responsibilities of parenthood, it's easy to sometimes feel overwhelmed and somewhat helpless when it comes to resolving some parental-child issue. Such issues can arise many times in a single day, especially if you have more than one child!

You may want to call a friend to get their take and perhaps even a few ideas on how to deal with the situation. If you have a religious adviser, good friend or a sibling, whom you trust and feel comfortable with, give them a call.

The problem arises when you consider that while all friends and family mean well, you'll get a range of solutions in the form of advice for parents. How are you able to tell the good from the not-so-good advice?

The short answer is that it's difficult, at best. Parents aren't usually shocked to discover that there's no instruction book for good parenting. What may prove shocking is the discovery that, over time, you'll encounter the most amazing situations as a parent.

As with any advice, you must always consider the source. For example, you may have a good friend who has all kinds of discipline problems with her own kids. Your Mom probably has the inside scoop on the results of varied strategies on child-rearing, having raised you.

However, your parenting style may be completely different, so it may prove difficult to apply her specific advice to your family. OK, so you've got Mom's best advice for parents. Now what?

Today, most communities have various of organizations dedicated to the healthy upbringing of kids. There is help addressing a variety of parenting problems, from substance abuse to obesity. These organizations generally put out pamphlets and newsletters that can provide helpful advice for parents.

Another source of information can be found in self help books online. There are literally thousands of self help books available on the subject of parenting a child.

If you browse through the bookstore selections, say on Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.com, you'll find that each author has a program to follow. This is not necessarily a negative thing, but nonetheless based on a list of premises with which you may or may not agree.

If you have ever watched Super Nanny on TV, you may have found that you agree with some of the solutions and others you would not implement with your children.

So, it may take some time, but can be worthwhile in finding advice for parents you can use. Reading reviews of a number of different books, available in online book shops, will give you a general flavor of that particular expert's style as a parental advisor. When you find an author whose basic concepts are inline with yours, give that book a shot.

In the end, the decisions lie with you. When you make a practice of talking with other parents on general child raising issues, you'll come to feel more confident in your own judgment and less dependent on others to solve even the knottiest of situations.

There are a few words of advice for parents that you've likely heard before, but are still worth mentioning. That is, if you give your children love and time, you may get a few gray hair along the way, but you will do fine.

Parenting Children - Solutions For Parenting In a Busy World

Most parents feel that they do not know what they are doing when it comes to parenting children. At the very least, they feel that they could use some improvement and there may be no bigger guilt in the world than parenting guilt. 
If you can find a set of parents that feel that they are great parents, you have found an exception.

Parents often feel they do not have enough time for their children. When something goes wrong with our kids, we often feel that it is our fault, even when there is no basis for those thoughts. You may be doing a better job than you think. If you are worried about your parenting skills, you may not have as much to worry about as you may fear.

It may be that parenting children is a lost art because our parents did not think they knew what they were doing either. After you have outgrown your teen years, you look back and appreciate all that they did, no matter how much you resisted, and you hope you can be as good as they were.

At times, our mistakes growing up were not a reflection on our parents. Sometimes, parents were not good, and very inattentive, and that just makes their children want to be better parents. Either way, most people want to do better at parenting a child, they just do not know how.

An overactive and uncooperative child may not be the fault of the parent. There are many disorders that children have today, though many are puzzled as to why today's children have so many issues that were not quite as apparent fifty years ago.

Parenting children that may have issues can be hard. Those that have a diagnosis of ADHD or even bipolar disorder may have felt they were horrible parents no matter how hard they tried, but that is not always the case. These conditions are not the result of parenting children the wrong way, they are just acts of nature.

Some children are bad news because their parents are not paying attention. However, children are going to be who they were born to be. No amount of parenting is going to change that. That does not mean parents have to give up on parenting children the right way.

No matter how hard it is, you have to keep trying. As long as you are trying with an open and true heart, you are doing the best that you can by your children. The difference between good parenting and bad parenting is knowing when you need help and ignoring that there may be a problem.

Some would say that parenting children in a busy world is what makes for problems. This does not have to be the case in your home. While your children need as much of you as they can get, some families have to have two incomes and there is no way around it. However, that does not mean they cannot thrive. Those that love them can make a difference.

If your children can spend time with aunts, uncles, grandparents, and other family members, as well as close family friends that love them, they are going to be just fine even if you have limited time. Family is about love and parenting children can be a group effort that has great results. It may be the only solution in a busy world.

Parenting a Child - Daunting or Rewarding Experience?

 Rewards of parenting - quality time
with son and daughter
While I certainly experience some very frustrating moments, I can honestly say, that without a doubt, parenting a child is the most rewarding experience in life. Every day I am grateful for my kids - a daughter who is eight and a son who is ten years old. Perhaps you can relate.

The first time my wife became pregnant, it was the happiest and most nerve-wracking day of our lives. We both wanted to have children and felt like we were both prepared. Then the reality of parenting a child actually set in and we began to think, “What have we got ourselves into?”

We became keenly aware that in about nine months, another human being will be brought into this world that is completely and entirely dependent on us for everything. The new baby is going to look to us to be his or her provider.

It is a daunting proposition. Then you start to think about all of the things that he or she will probably go through. Things like being picked on in school, falling off of a bicycle for the first time, or having his or her heart broken. You start to wonder if you made the right choice.

The thought of parenting a child suddenly did not seem like the picture-perfect scenario we had imagined. I was envisioning taking my son to Little League baseball games and on fishing trips. I imagined him being smart, popular and athletic, and I never thought about the fact that he would have to face some difficulties in life that would cause him pain.

My wife and I talked about it for a long while, and she told me that I was thinking just like a father. She said that parenting a child, like anything else in life, has its good points and bad points. All we could do was raise him the best way we knew how, give him all of the love and attention he needs and hope for the best.

When my son was born, I realized that I never should have second-guessed myself in the first place. There is nothing like the feeling of seeing your children for the first time and knowing that you are their father. Their whole life is ahead of them and they are so helpless, and it really makes you want to be a better person.

Two years later, we had our daughter, and got that feeling all over again. My son and daughter are both in elementary school right now and doing well. They have had their problems, but they have also had a lot of great times and seem to be pretty happy with their lives. Parenting a child is not always easy, but  it has been the most rewarding experience of my life.

Special Report About Parenting And Working Mothers

There was a study about parenting done in Britain that finds that working women who leave their children on a daily basis while going out to work, risk raising children who come to have poor eating habits and poor exercise tendencies. It is called the UK Millennium Cohort Study. The  research draws from a study of nutritional and physical activity habits of more than 10,000 children under five.

And before anyone tries to counter these findings by calling into doubt the meaningfulness of the sample used (or wondering if the researchers may have been neglected children themselves), the study seems to have taken all kinds of possibilities into account, adjusting for the race, education and the financial positions of the mothers involved. 

So what is it that these children do that distresses the researchers so much? The researchers found that mothers who worked even part-time, came home to find that their children resist fruits and vegetables more.

They have a worse television or computer habit too, when compared to children of stay-at-home mothers. These children are often seen to use passive entertainment like computer games and television more than two hours a day - far more than what stay-at-home moms would allow.

While homemaker mothers found that their children could keep their snacking habits under control, working moms have children who keep reaching for unhealthy snacks or colas. So what is it that the researchers wish to say about parenting out of all this?

To begin with, they feel that there is nothing to it other than the fact that working parents have less time to stay around and provide a good example for how children should eat and live their lives. Even work arrangements where mothers get to work from home a good part of the time do not seem to really help.

Apparently even a short stint at work by a mother affects children. Of course this study is extremely unpopular with women and we can see why. It seems to suggest that if women care about their children, they should give up all their dreams, or feel guilty for the rest of their lives. But the women who sit on the other side of the fence feel their views have finally been vindicated.

In the end one does have to wonder about why the studies about parenting choose to villainize the women - the mothers who choose to work, but end up neglecting their children. What is wrong with blaming the father for neglectful child-rearing, one wonders. Why can't women have their dreams like men do and yet have a cared for set of children that both the parents take turns to rear well.

And while we are on the subject of funny studies about parenting, did you hear the one that claims that children who are spanked grow up with lower IQs? Apparently it is a question of trauma, plain and simple. A child who is subjected to trauma is less available mentally to learn. Interesting.